On the very long list of things men don’t understand about women is the fact that women always want to cuddle. In fact, AM received this message from a befuddled reader who wanted to know exactly what it is about cu-ddling that women find so important:
"What is it with this cuddling business? All my girlfriend wants to do is cuddle. I don't understand the whole concept about cuddling. I think an article that explains why women think that cuddling is so important would be great."This seems to be a common attitude among men who can’t wrap their brains around what their women see as the necessity of cu-ddling.I'm here to explain this phenomenon to you and to show you the positive side of cuddling.
Why women cu-ddle
The act of cuddling releases a hormone called oxytocin, sometimes called the "cuddling hormone.” Oxytocin is responsible for provoking what scientists refer to as “pair bonding,” which means it makes the cuddling couple feel closer and more intimate. This helps to create a bond between a man and a woman. In evolutionary terms, a woman wants to create this pair bond in order to get the man to commit to her and their offspring. Even if your woman isn’t trying to marry you and start bearing your babies, she is likely still drawn to create an emotional bond with you and this kind of physical intimacy is a good way to do it.
Cuddling also feels pretty damn good when it’s done right, so another reason women insist on it is that the sensations triggered by a cuddle session can be very pleasurable.
Why men don’t cu-ddle
It can be exceptionally frustrating that your first instinct post-orgas-m is to go right to sleep, while she prefers to get in a good cuddle session first. The reason for this is all about the hormones your brain releases after se-x. As a man has an orgas-m, a variety of brain chemicals are released including the hormone prolactin. Prolactin has a strong connection to sleep so its presence is probably responsible for a man’s tendency to want to sleep after se-x. The release of prolactin also indicates the beginning of the “recovery time” that men have to take before having se-x again. Women often don’t require any such time-out after having an orgas-m.
It's time to find a compromise on the cuddling situation ..
Some men might also shy away from cuddling because of its intimate, personal nature if they are worried about appearing vulnerable.
Why you should cuddle
If you can let yourself relax enough emotionally and physically, you might actually enjoy some of the benefits of cuddling. Oxytocin is released in your brain, just like it is in the female brain, along with a host of other feel-good hormones that will leave you feeling happy and less stressed. A 2006 study by the Berman Center for Women's Health in Chicago showed that couples who regularly indulge in spontaneous, non-se-xual physical affection are more satisfied with their relationships. Even if you don’t get the appeal of cuddling, you should be able to see the connection between it and a happy girlfriend. When your girlfriend is happy, your relationship is going to be much smoother sailing.
Cuddling moves
For those new to the world of cuddling, you might need some tips to get you going. If you find yourself at a loss for what to do when you’re curled up in an embrace with your girlfriend, try one of these standard cuddling moves:
- Stroke her hair
- Kiss her forehead
- Touch her face
- Gently run your hands up and down her arms
- Intertwine your fingers with hers
- Rub her back gently
- Make eye contact
Get your cuddle on
Remember, cuddling doesn’t have to be relegated to a post-se-x-only activity. In fact, she’ll probably enjoy it more if you spontaneously start a cuddle session in the middle of the day. Also, don’t forget that the point of cuddling is not to morph into fore-play on the way to se-x. Cuddle for cuddling’s sake and the next time you do have se-x, you’ll reap the rewards of making your girlfriend feel happy, connected and close to you.
