Excuse Me, Can You Hold Up Your Dress?.....

Jim: "Why are you crying?" 
Bob: "I just got slapped in the face by a lady." 
Jim: "What happened?" 
Bob: "I was holding a photograph, but I dropped it and it fell underneath a woman's dress. I asked her, 'Excuse me, can you hold up your dress? I want to take a photo.'"

My Rules

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: 

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be s3x here at seven o'clock every night.. whether you're here or not."

HAHAHA this Guy Was Spotted ‘Eating’ Guinness at a local Joint

Things You Never Use

Donna arrived home from work early one day and found her husband, Glen, in bed with another woman. "That's it!" she shouted, "I'm leaving and I'm not coming back!" 

"Wait honey," Glen pleaded, "Can't you at least let me explain?" 

"Fine, let's hear your story," Donna replied. 

"Well, I was driving home when I saw this poor young lady sitting at the side of the road, barefoot, torn clothes, covered in mud and sobbing," explained Glen. 

"I immediately took pity on her and asked if she would like to get cleaned up. She got into the car and I brought her home. After she took a shower, I gave her a pair of the underwear that doesn't fit you anymore, the dress that I bought you last year that you never wore, the pair of shoes you bought but never used and even gave her some of the turkey you had in the refrigerator but didn't serve to me." 

"Then," Glen continued, "I showed her to the door and she thanked me. As she was walking down the step, she turned around and asked me, 'Is there anything else your wife doesn't use anymore?'"

You Caught My Eye

A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his hand out the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand. He looked up to see where it came from in time to see a young woman looking down. 

"Is this yours?" he asked. 

She said, "Yes, could you bring it up?" and the man agreed. 

On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink. As she was very attractive he agreed. Shortly afterwards she said, "I'm about to have dinner. There's plenty, would you like to join me?" 

He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal. As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said, "I've had a marvelous evening. Would you like to stay the night?" 

The man hesitated then said, "Do you act like this with every man you meet?" 

"No," she replied, "only those who catch my eye.

10 Photoshop Images you Must See. Some are actually cute! Others are too Scary!

HILARIOUS: See What This Old Guy Did At The Blue-moon Festival

The Bluemoon Festival which went down last weekend had serious issues after people refused to attend the concert. 

The turnout was surprisingly low but that didn't stop an old old mzee, whose photos have been rounds on the internet from having the time of his life.

The old man had one too many of the Bluemoon vodka and started showing the young ones how to do it. Check him out